She is MEAN

“Don’t wear that, it makes you look ugly”

“Seriously, peanut butter for breakfast, might as well eat fats”

“He is only replying to you because he is nice. Stop bothering him already, you desperate slut”

“ You are deluded to think he would even consider to date you, have you seen yourself lately?”

“Come on, thats the best you can do at work, one compliment and you already performing average, typical human”

But… I am nice.

“Yea nice try, you overly dependent spineless b*tch”

She was mean, well still is but at least she is not as mean as she used to be. Previously she would harm me when i do something wrong. She thinks punishment is the only way I will learn. I never liked her and she knew that but that never stopped her from getting to me each and every time shit hits the roof.

Recently, I have been talking to this nice boy and he makes me laugh. I was so happy, but it didn’t last. I started moving away from him, I stopped texting him constantly. Each time I pick up my phone to send a simple ‘Hi’ or ‘Hows work so far?”, she will interfere. The countless time that she reminded me of what a fool i am to text him in the first place. A guy like that would never look at a girl like me. Never, as she so nicely put it. In fact, there was once she said this after i put down the phone from talking to him ; “Pathetic, you think you acting so cute and friendly is a charm? Pathetic. Pathetic is what it was.

Maybe she is right, i am after all just an average girl. Short, dark skinned, plump figure and with an acne issue and its not like my personality is any better. See what she does? she always manages to put me down despite me waking every morning feeling happy and pretty.

One glance at her and *POOF* it goes off like an alarm.

But you know what is even more annoying, she doesn’t stop just at my relationship. Lately, she has been constantly reminding me about what a bad employee I am. Yes, I am bait back on my schedule but that was  because I had too much extra work at office. I am catching up aren’t I? But, no. It is not enough according to her. She said that I am slacking off in my work. The nerve she has to complain but again, maybe I should have tried harder. Pushed myself harder despite the stress migraine I was going through. Or maybe I should have started bringing back my work and going in to  work on weekends too? I probably should right?

This is what she does. She never lets me lead a peaceful life. Always nagging at me and making me believe I am the worst kind of humankind. Also just recently I got out of a relationship and like most girl I told myself I did all I could, and it didn’t work out, I deserve someone who cares and loves me even at my worst ever possible. And you want to know what was her take on this?

“Do you even hear yourself? You want guys to chase you and treat you like princess and sweep off your feet? Woman, you are lucky if any guy even comes your way in the first place! Geez, get you head out of the gutter!”

Not very nice words of hers, but I will get over it eventually.

What I really hate about her is that she have made me already believe that I am always at wrong and that even when i joke or say something and if whatever i said isn’t very nice according to her, I have to apologise and explain myself to why I even said it in the first place. Can you believe it?

She forced me to the edge where I don’t really have an opinion and that my only choice are to always and always be nice to everyone even when the walk all over me.

But in the end like she always says, “You deserve it”.

Maybe someday she will vanish and I can finally lead a life that only I can have a say.

But I guess it may be hard, in fact to some extent may even be impossible,

Why, you ask?

I don’t have a choice but to stare at her every morning in the MIRROR, And thereon she latches on to me like a nightmare all day long destroying whatever tiny hope I build around me.

Anxiety and self judgement is not healthy but it isn’t exactly an easy thing to over come completely in one day. I have come so far from where I started. The mean reflection in mirror is still there but I can manage it to certain level. Do not judge others if you are not in their shoes.

A very humble request, never judge or see someone differently just because they are hard to be around and they may even seem out of place. We all are battling with our demon. Pass on some kindness each day because that is what makes it easier to go to bed with a smile after all that happened and wake up again to a beautiful day each time.

Kindness doesn’t cost but it goes long way. To all that suffering from anxiety and self depression issues, don’t give up. The world has more to offer. Sometimes you just have to keep changing the mirror until the right reflection stares back.

Secret-Addiction

Starbucks. Most people say it is expensive. But to me, definitely cheaper than what Victoria Secret is charging per cup! No denying that right?

16938927_10154102979892003_3739592378776449388_n.jpgEvery now and then, we walk past this guy who makes our heart go like it’s on a sudden roller coaster. It is a sudden spark. You can taste the imaginary sugary lips of his on your mouth. And like your whole body is on fire, you are suddenly pumped up! Then he is out of the sight and all that is left is the fuzzy warm exciting feeling in you.

And that is exactly how I feel when hot caramel macchiato enters my system. It awakens every single dead cell in me to alive. Almost like breaking the bored cell. Again imagine you are in history class and this drop dead gorgeous guy enters in your class, and suddenly your body is pumping more adrenalin to your head. And now suddenly history is your favourite subject ever. That is the kind of relationship I have with my caramel hot macchiato.

Can you imagine having audit class in the morning? That is like waking up and seeing Internet Explorer staring right in the face. But hey, worry not; I have something to act as firewall to deal with it. That’s right, my very own morning dose of caffeine!10322717_10151997671452003_6610131659691706698_n.jpg

So you might think I am crazy, who describes a drink like this anyway? Okay so if you are asking that, boy let me tell you. You are missing out in life! Nothing beats the feeling of warm macchiato slowly entering your throat and waking your dead soul up. Well unless you are kissing Tom Hiddleston of course, then this totally beats anything else. But come on, are you kissing him? No? Then we have a winner here (at least I do), Starbucks!

Oh and another reason I love Starbucks, who on earth does not enjoy the feeling when a cute guy compliments on your lovely name? Seriously! We all know that at Starbucks, they ask your name to be  written on the cups. I don’t know if they get paid more for extra compliments on our beautiful names. But I think they should or at least get my number!

Imagine you had the worst day; like  D-worst day and then you stop by Starbucks for a cup of coffee and this cute guy who attends to you then asks your name. Writes it on the cup and then looks at you and flashes his million dollars smile and tells you that you have an amazing name! Don’t you think you would die and go to Lala land instead of the crappy land you were in previously! Exactly my point!

16864547_10154102979202003_2422004795154047073_n.jpgALSO THEY HAVE THE CUTEST HOLIDAY THEMED CUPS DURING CHRISTMAS!

So this goes out to all wonderful people who never understand my obsession for Starbucks! Hey at least I am not obsessed with drugs!  Sure getting diabetes is no fun but it makes you feel less guilty I guess! Because it is legal to drink sugar then to sniff coke! Make love not war. But since this isn’t a love story, make coffee not ‘coke’.

 

P.S. the coke I referred to was the drug not the normal McD Coke/Coca-Cola. That Coca-Cola is totally safe and heavenly. Again that’s sugar, no harm (unless we talking diabetes then yes it is harmful!)! Know the difference people!

 

So what is your coffee story?  😉

IT’S A BOY THING?

Baby, I had a long day and I just want to vent. How often do we say this to our boyfriend with the hope he JUST listens but usually it turns out to be a full blown conversation with him commenting on everything you say.

no-i-dont-want-you-to-draw-any-conclusion-i-want-you-to-listen-to-what-i-just-said-quote-1.jpg

Let it me break it down boys, when we say we want to JUST vent, it really does mean we just want to vent where you don’t have to have a reply or answer. How amazing that is on your part, I mean think about it, your girlfriend comes to you and vents her heart out, all you do is listen and ta-da she is happy. Technically you don’t have to do anything and she is happy. Now, this is the only time EVER you don’t have to do absolutely anything  but listen and you will make her happy, yet you blew it off. Seriously?

I think from experience, it is safe to say that you boys feel like it is a need or must to reply or even solve the problem for us. Look, if I needed  a reality check and an answer, I would have gone to a shrink. You are the boyfriend, just stay as one. If you must say something, please at least wait till we are done. Nobody likes to be disturbed when we are in the flow.

But don’t get me wrong, I think its sweet that you try to help us, but sometimes listening itself is a help, so lets not push it, shall we? I have heard guys saying this before though, ‘maybe you complain too much, he is just a guy, ya’know’ . Well you can at least pretend you’re listening, we don’t judge. After all some guys fake the whole relationship, how hard is it to pretend to listen to us?

I think this issue had to be addressed because honestly its starting to get scary, how guys takes things personal. I mean it is my problem in the end, you really don’t have to sit in a corner cracking your head for a solution. Sometimes there is never  a solution. Maybe it is a BOY THING to do, that you need to try and solve everything but perhaps you can lay back on this one, yea?women-dont-like-advice-they-dont-want-you-to-fix-their-problems-they-just-want-you-to-listen-quote-1.jpg

Also i know how annoying it is when you’re stuck listening to your girl about the same problem over and over and you have probably suggested solutions to her before but here is a thing, girls can be difficult as ‘F’ but thats our own pain in the ass that we chose to deal with. And naturally you are also stuck suffering from it, but hey nobody said love was easy. Sometimes all we want is to be able to vent it out loud and take it off the chest, to be able to be happy and have a good evening with you afterwards.

In all honestly, boys, we (at least I) don’t mind if you don’t really listen to us, pretending is good enough at times. Its the comfort we get, knowing someone is just listening because he cares that makes all worries go away and making us feel better.

So next time, if your girl said she wants to vent, just let her vent all her heart out, don’t interrupt. Wait till she is done, say a sentence or two regarding the topic, then cuddle with her with some ice cream and talk about the most random stuff in the world. (It may not always work, but I’d say 7/10 times it would).

See its really not that hard to please your girl, so stop complicating it. #JUSTLISTEN

P.S We will ALWAYS love you, but we will love you more if you would just stop interrupting us when we’re in the venting mode  🙂